I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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