I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
