God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
