I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
