He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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