i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
