"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
where are my eyebrows?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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