It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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