I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
