somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
