Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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