No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you win again, gameday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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