had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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