omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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