I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
