I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
