would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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