You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
