Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize