can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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