Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
