my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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