I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
