I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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