Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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