i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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