I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
