she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
