love makes seman taste better
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
