dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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