She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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