Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
