dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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