why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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