So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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