I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
