i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
