just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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