4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
