A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
