Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
