Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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