Do you still have your period?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
