Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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