The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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