I think I died a long time ago.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
