Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What a dumb baby whore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize