Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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