all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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