Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The best revenge is premature balding
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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