I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Life is so much better after having sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
