WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
