The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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