Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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