She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
