I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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