Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
