I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
