This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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