I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
420 ftw
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
