the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
