I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
