i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm like, not good at living.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
