I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
